


For Good

by theoofoof



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-05-20 04:25:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14887595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoofoof/pseuds/theoofoof
Summary: What if the threats against Barba in Season 17 got so bad that he was forced to go into witness protection? A song-fic based on 'For Good' from the musical 'Wicked'.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a repost. It was originally posted in my 'Of Scotch and Wine' one-shot collection but I have now decided to continue it so am reposting it as its own story. Please do leave comments/kudos again if you left them before.

_I've heard it said_  
_That people come into our lives for a reason_  
_Bringing something we must learn_  
_And we are led to those who help us most to grow_  
_If we let them and we help them in return_  
_Well, I don't know if I believe that's true_  
_But I know I'm who I am today_  
_Because I knew you..._

Rafael Barba looked in the mirror and struggled to reconcile the face of the man looking back at him – a man with a scruffy growth of five days’ worth of beard stubble – with the well-groomed, well-dressed man he had been for the past 20 years.

When he’d first requested the lateral transfer to the Manhattan DA’s office, he’d had no intentions of staying in that position for long. He wanted to move up the ladder and felt that a position in Manhattan offered him more opportunities and more exposure. He’d been aggressive and ruthless, only taking cases that he knew he could win. He wasn’t likely to be promoted or become the judge his Abuela had been convinced he would be one day if he lost more cases than he won.

It was all worked out; he’d be elected to the office of district attorney within three years of his move. He’d had a plan.

_Like a comet pulled from orbit_  
_As it passes a sun_  
_Like a stream that meets a boulder_  
_Halfway through the wood_  
_Who can say if I've been changed for the better?_  
_Because I knew you_  
_I have been changed for good_

The one thing he hadn’t planned on, however, was the whirlwind that was Olivia Benson. From the moment he met her, he’d been blown away by her passion, and his professional admiration for her only grew as he got to know her, as he saw how she was with victims and their families. Oh, there were times she drove him crazy, as he was sure he did to her. They always managed to find their way past those, however, and built a successful professional partnership.

Working in such close proximity, dealing with the harrowing cases that they did, he supposed it was only inevitable that they’d develop a friendship too. There weren’t many people who could understand the stresses of their jobs, so they gravitated towards each other, taking solace in the small victories and sharing late night drinks together. Eventually, they’d began to turn to each other for comfort when facing personal struggles. She’d offered reassurance after he’d turned his childhood friend over to the authorities for the possession of child pornography. When his Abuelita had died, he’d sent her a text to let her know he’d be taking some time off and she’d been at his door within an hour, a bottle of his favourite scotch in hand and a shoulder to cry on.

When she’d found out the truth about Noah’s father, it had been his turn to provide reassurance. In the end, she’d ignored his pleas and promises, not wanting to start her life with Noah on a lie. As frustrating as it was, he’d understood. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe him, it was that she didn’t want to lie to her son.

He thinks it was around the time of his Abuelita’s passing that he began to realise his feelings for his friend had developed into something more. He hadn’t wanted to deal with them then; he was still grieving – and she had been, quite rightly, focused on Noah and the adoption. When he had come to terms with how he felt about her, just as he’d been working up the courage to act on them, he’d found out she was in a relationship with Tucker. That had been like a punch to the gut and their relationship, both the professional and personal facets, had taken a hit.

They’d just about returned to the level of familiarity and closeness they’d had before the church scandal when all hell had broken loose. And now it looked like their relationship was definitely over.

_It well may be_  
_That we will never meet again_  
_In this lifetime_  
_So let me say before we part_  
_So much of me Is made of what I learned from you_  
_You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart_

The threats against him had intensified over the past few months and, despite the best efforts of SVU and his security detail, there had been several attempts on his life. The latest had been a bomb under his car. A bomb that had taken out the male officer that had been assigned to protect him. He’d been quickly squirrelled away and hidden in a safe house. Time had dragged as he’d sat there in that sparsely decorated room with only two security agents for company, waiting for news. When the head of his security detail arrived, Barba’s relief was short lived. They had no leads. It was too risky to allow him to return to his life. Several people believed that he had perished in the explosion and their plan was to perpetuate the lie; to make everyone believe that he was dead. To put him into the witness protection program.

His first instinct had been to protest. He had a life; family, friends, a good job, a purpose. But it all fell on deaf ears. The agent in charge had merely scoffed and asked him what use all those things were to a dead man. He’d also pointed out that by not remaining ‘dead’, he was putting those he claimed to care about in danger. What if the perpetrators went after them. He thought about his mother and Olivia. The thought that something should happen to either of them or to Noah, was the final straw. He agreed to witness protection. On one condition…

_And now whatever way our stories end I_  
_know you have re-written mine_  
_By being my friend..._

The knock came shortly after 2 am. The agents had thought it best that this meeting took place well under the cover of darkness. Rafael sat ram-rod straight on the sofa as the two agents assigned to him moved to the front door, guns drawn. The meeting may have been planned, but you could never be too cautious in these situations. After some hushed conversation at the door, Olivia appeared; a little light on a dark day. He stood as she rushed him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a hug. She buried her head in the crook of his neck as she tried unsuccessfully to stifle her tears.

Despite never having been this close to her before, instinct took over and Barba returned her hug, rubbing his hands up and down her back soothingly.

“I thought…” she began but found herself unable to say the words.

“I know. But I’m not. I’m here.”

She pulled back slightly – just enough that she could see his face but remain in his embrace. “Not for long though.”

Rafael glanced at the suitcase that stood by the door. “No, not for long.” They’d be leaving in a few hours, while it was still dark. He’d be taken out of the city, maybe never to return, and thrust into a new life as Rafael Diaz. But there were things he had to say to Olivia before that happened, things that he needed her to know. He turned to his security detail. “Can we have the room please?”

The three agents shared a look and their boss shook his head. “This is the main point of entry to the house, we need to maintain a presence by the door.” Rafael opened his mouth to protest, but the agent cut him off. “If you want privacy, you’re more than welcome to use one of the rooms upstairs, as long as one of us remains outside.”

Rafael led Olivia slowly towards the stairs, the female agent trailing behind. “You have two hours Mr Barba,” the agent called after them.

They settled in a bedroom at the far end of the hall, sitting next to each other on the edge of the bed. “I don’t know what to say,” whispered Olivia, unable to accept the fact that he was leaving, that she’d never see him again.

“Then don’t say anything. Just listen. There are some things I have to say.” He reached over and plucked her hands from her lap, enveloping them in his own. “Olivia, you are a strong woman, a brilliant police officer, an amazing mother and a loyal friend and I am honoured to have known you, to have had you in my life. I know I’m not the easiest person to work with and, in the beginning, I was arrogant and, well, quite frankly a bit of an ass-hole.”

Olivia smirked. “Just in the beginning?”

“Okay, so maybe I still am on occasion,” he conceded. “You know, I had all these plans about what I was going to do in New York. How the transfer was going to enable me to move up the political ladder, but somewhere along the line that stopped being important. It stopped driving me. It had been replaced by something else. By someone else. My plans, my life, had been rewritten. And I didn’t even care.”

 _Like a ship_ blown _from its mooring_  
_By a wind off the sea_  
_Like a seed dropped by a_ skybird  
_In a distant wood_  
_Who can say if I've been changed for the better?_  
_But because I knew you_  
_Because I knew you_  
_I have been changed for good_

 _“_ I changed Liv. Because of you. You made me see that there was more to these cases than winning. That we had to advocate for the victim. That we had to take on people and organisations that thought they were above the law. You taught me that doing the right thing was more important than playing politics. You changed me, Liv.”

Olivia was speechless, shocked, and yet deeply moved at the same time. She was suddenly aware of the tears prickling at the corner of her eyes and held them back, trying to stay composed.

_And just to clear the air_  
_I ask forgiveness_  
_For the things I've done, you blame me for_  
_But then, I guess we know_  
_There's blame to share_  
_And none of it seems to matter anymore_

“I know that I’ve done things that you haven’t agreed with and I’m sorry. For all of it. The way I handled the case with Alex Munöz, pushing you at the police shooting grand jury.” He swallowed before continuing, before broaching the subject that they had both skilfully avoided for the past 3 years. “For not being able to convict William Lewis the first time.” His gaze dropped to their joined hands. “For not being able to stop him.

Olivia grasped his hands. “I never blamed you for that Rafael.” He looked up as his first name fell from her lips. “Never. I’ve never told you this, but in the aftermath of what happened, you were the only one who didn’t treat me as if I was broken. You challenged me and argued with me just as you always had, and I will appreciate that more than you will ever know.”

“Still, it should never have happened.”

“You’re right, it shouldn’t have. But it isn’t on you.” She lifted a hand to wipe a stray tear from Rafael’s cheek. “But while we’re on the subject of things that we shouldn’t have done, I should apologise too. I know I brought you tough cases and sometimes I made them worse. I should have listened to you when you advised me not to reveal that I knew Johnny D was Noah’s biological father. It nearly monkey wrenched your case and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for-”

Rafael held up a hand to silence her. “I think it’s safe to say, we’ve both upset and annoyed each other several times over the years we’ve worked together, but it doesn’t matter now. It all pales into insignificance at the fact that I’m probably never going to see you again. I thought we’d have time… I never imagined…”

“Time for what?”

He hadn’t intended to tell her how he felt, but the words just tumbled out. He couldn’t stop them. “For us… I thought maybe there was… something between us. Something more.”

 _Like a comet pulled from orbit_  
_As it passes a sun_  
_Like a stream that meets a boulder_  
_Halfway through the wood_  
_Like a ship_ blown _from its mooring_  
_By a wind off the sea_  
_Like a seed dropped by a_ skybird  
_In a distant wood_

At her silence, Rafael began to “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re with Tucker, I understand that. And I’m leaving.” He sighed. “I just…” Olivia ignored him and reached up to kiss his lips softly.

“There is something more,” she whispered, pulling him close. “I didn’t think you were interested. That was why I accepted Tucker’s invitation for drinks. But what I feel for him… it’s nothing compared to what I feel for you. And now you’re leaving, and we’ll never get to find out if...” She trailed off as her emotions spilt over and her tears flowed freely. “What am I going to do without you?” she choked out between sobs.

Rafael’s heart broke at the sight of her tears. “Oh, Liv.” He wished he could find the right words to give her comfort; wished that he could promise her that things would be okay. He wished she knew that she wasn’t alone in being afraid, but he didn’t know how to say it out loud.

Instead, he leaned down and captured her sweet lips with his own. They were warm and soft and trembled slightly at the contact. She ran her hand up along the length of his arm until she found the back of his neck. She threaded her fingers through the short hair they encountered there, pulling him even closer. When she felt his tongue's gentle prodding, she opened her mouth willingly, letting him in. Olivia wanted to taste him, to drink him.

His hands trailed a path up and down her spine, and she shivered underneath his gentle touch. They moved to her sides, brushing against her breasts through the thin layer of her cotton shirt. She gasped into his mouth, and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss even further.

Her hands reached for the buttons on his shirt and he pulled from the kiss. “Liv, we can’t,” he whispered, glancing at the bedroom door. “There’s a US Marshall out there and…”

There were other reasons for not going down this road, but he didn’t want to sully the memory of this moment by speaking the name of the other man in her life. She understood. She knew. But she continued to her trail down the front of his shirt, unfastening the buttons as she went.

“I don’t care,” she insisted. “I may never see you again.” She cupped his face in her hands. “Please, Rafael. Make love to me."

He’d never been able to deny her anything in all the time they’d worked together. He certainly wasn’t going to start now, not when she was offering him everything he’d wanted for at least the last two years. His hands found the hem of her t-shirt and she shivered as he lifted it. They didn’t have much time. It wouldn’t be the slow, romantic seduction either of them had dreamt of, but it was all they had, and they would grasp it with both hands.

When they finally came together as one, a sense of peace and completion overcame them. They never wanted to let go. And with their release, came the knowledge that they were, in fact, one. No matter how far apart they would be.

_Who can say if I've been_  
_Changed for the better?_  
_I do believe I have been_  
_Changed for the better._

They stood in front of the door, locked in an embrace, both reluctant to let go. At a discreet cough from his security detail, he pulled back and held her face in his. “Liv, I have to go.” His eyes were wet and shining, gleaming shades of hazel, as he pressed a gentle kiss to her temple. He caressed her cheeks with his thumbs, then leaned in to place a gentle yet needy kiss on her lips. He inhaled her deeply, and her composure broke for a moment as her face clenched against his in agony. “I love you,” he whispered, before beginning to gather his things. He checked his pockets for the wallet they’d given him – packed full of cards and identification for his new identity. He ran a hand absent-mindedly through his hair, before picking up his jacket and small suitcase. With one look back at her, he walked to the door and opened it a few inches.

“Rafael!”

Her sudden breach of the pervading silence caused him to jump. He turned around swiftly, eyebrow raised. She came to him.

“Raf… I…” As he looked at her, the pain and grief in her eyes were startlingly evident. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly to him. She could barely hold herself together. Her body vibrated, struggling against the waves surging within it. “I love you too.”

“Look after yourself Liv. And Noah. Tell him I said hi. And for God’s sake, don’t let him go to Hudson.”

She smiled through her tears at the memory of the late-night conversation they’d shared after one of the many cases they’d dealt with involving that institution. “Don’t worry, it’ll be Harvard all the way.”

He returned her smile. “Thank you. For everything. I really am a better person for having known you, Olivia Benson.”

Her tears fell freely once more. “And I you, Rafael Barba.”

If that was the last time he ever heard his given name, he couldn’t have asked for it to be filled with more love and affection.

“If I can come back one day, I will. I promise. But don’t wait for me. Live your life. Enjoy it. Be happy.” He couldn’t bring himself to say that if she could be happy with Tucker then she should be. He didn’t know what was going to happen there now, and he didn’t want to add to her pain.

She took a step back. The steadiness of his voice calmed her and, finding balance in his eyes, she recomposed herself.

He turned again to the door, stopping short of stepping out, half expecting her to stop him. She didn’t and he crossed the threshold. Taking the knob in hand, he looked back to her, studying her face. She maintained eye contact. He smiled softly then pulled the door shut behind him.

Almost as soon as he'd closed it, she leapt forward and grasped the door handle. She began to turn it... but let her hand fall. Deep down she knew he had to go.

As she began to move away, she heard a sound -- a brushing noise on the outside of the door. She could hear the wood groan a bit as Rafael put his weight against it, leaning heavily into it. Several moments passed with no motion. Then, just as suddenly, she could hear the wood relax as his weight was removed from it.

And then nothing.

_Because I knew you..._  
_Because I knew you..._  
_Because I knew you..._  
_I have been changed for good._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swore I would never write a fic like this, because of the improbability of it happening. However, the muse demanded so here we are. For this to make more sense to me, I’ve cheated and shaved a couple of years of Olivia’s supposed age.

_Almost four months later..._

Fin watched with concern as Olivia gingerly stumbled from the restroom. She’d hurried past his desk about fifteen minutes ago, looking a rather sickly shade of green. It wasn’t the first time she’d been sick either. She’d tried to hide it, but he’d noticed. Hell, he was a detective. He should probably even be a sergeant - he’d passed the exam but didn’t want the paperwork. It was his job to notice things.

“Liv.”

Olivia spun round at the sound of her name, the sudden movement causing the room to spin wildly around her. She drew in a breath as her vision darkened around the edges and she swayed slightly on her feet.

Fin was at her side in seconds, supporting her, stopping her from falling. She gripped his arms as she steadied herself.

“That’s it,” Fin declared once he was certain she could stand on her own. “Cribs. Now.” He all but frogmarched her in there, before rounding on her as soon as the door closed behind them. “You need to tell me what the hell is going on.”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb, Liv. We’ve known each other for too long to play that game.”

“Fin, I’m fine. Honestly.”

“You don’t look fine. If I’m being honest, you look like hell.” She looked tired and drawn, it was obvious she hadn’t been sleeping. At first, he thought it was the grief, it’d only been a few months since they lost Barba, and Liv was closer to him than most, but it didn’t seem to have improved and now, with the sickness, he was concerned.

Olivia began to protest, but Fin cut her off. “You give me an honest answer right now, Liv or I’m going to Dodds. You’re in no fit state to be at work. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Olivia took a deep breath. “It’s called morning sickness, Fin. Although, quite frankly, whoever coined that particular phrase should be shot!” She was sick at all times of the day or night. There was no rhyme or reason to it. Certain smells set her off, and there was one particular gruesome autopsy that had caused her to run from the morgue, but apart from that, it came without warning.

“Y- you’re pregnant?”

Olivia nodded.

“Wow. Congrats, baby girl.” He knew she loved Noah and that that would never change, but he also knew that to carry her own child was something that she’d wanted for a long time. “How does Tucker feel about all of this?”

“He doesn’t. We’re over Fin,” she reminded him. She’d ended it as soon as she’d got home the night Barba had gone into witness protection. She couldn’t carry on their relationship – not after what had transpired between her and Rafael. It wouldn’t be fair on either of them.

“I know that Liv, but don’t you think he has the right to know.”

“He would. If it was his.” She couldn’t blame Fin for jumping to the conclusion that Tucker was the father. As far as the team knew she hadn’t been with anyone else.

Fin stared at her for a moment, processing her words. “I see. So who…?”

“It’s not important.” She shook her head, trying to hold back the tears.

“Liv…” He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter because he’ll never know. He’s dead… or as good as.” The last few words were mumbled – no one was supposed to know that he wasn’t dead, but she couldn’t hold it in at that moment.

Fin’s eyes widened as he realised who the baby’s father was and the implications of Olivia’s mumbled words. “Oh my God… it’s Barba’s.”

The tears Olivia had been desperately trying to hold back rolled down her cheeks as she finally broke down under the weight of the many secrets she was keeping. Fin led her to one of the beds and sat down with her on the edge. He held her hand as the whole story tumbled out.

How Rafael had asked to see her before going into witness protection. How they’d confessed their feelings for one another and had lain together in the stillness of the night. How she felt like a part of her soul was being ripped from her as she watched him leave.

She told him about the tears she’d shed on the way back to her apartment and that, upon finding Tucker there waiting, she had ended it. She hadn’t told him about Rafael, just that she couldn’t be with him anymore. He’d put it down to her ‘grief’ and had called several times in the following weeks, but she refused to allow him to talk her back into their relationship. She didn’t regret her night with Rafael but finding out she was pregnant had come as a bit of a shock.

“This was never supposed to happen. I didn’t even realise it was still possible. I’m almost 45 for crying out loud!”

“It happens to women older than you,” Fin supplied.

“That’s not exactly helpful.”

“You have no idea where he is?”

She pressed her lips together and squeezed her eyes closed to stop further tears. She shook her head “Not a clue.”

“Have you tried the US Marshalls office?”

“Oh yeah, they were a great help. The officer in charge practically laughed me out of his office.”

“Bastard. Want me to cut him?”

Olivia managed a small smile before sighing. “He’s just doing his job.”

“You’re gonna be okay y’know, Liv,” Fin told her. “It’s a baby, not a bomb.”

She nodded. “I know. I know. I just wish I could tell him, talk to him about it. I have no idea how he’d feel about me bringing his child into the world.”

Fin put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. “He’d trust you to make the right decision.” The bed creaked as Fin stood. “I should get back out there. You gonna be okay?”

She looked up at him. “I’ll be fine. I’ll follow you in a couple of minutes.” Fin nodded and turned to leave. He stopped with his hand on the doorknob when she called out to him. “Fin! Can you not…”

“Don’t worry Liv. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Fin stepped out into the corridor, Rollins and Carisi throwing him questioning looks from the squad room. He waved them off for a moment and fished his phone out of his pocket. He scrolled through to find the contact he was looking for and hit dial.

“Hey Munch, it’s Fin… Yeah, long time, no see. Listen I need a favour...”

* * *

It turned out that Munch knew someone who had connections in the US Marshalls’ office. It took a couple of weeks, but one night, he knocked on the door of Olivia’s apartment, a manila folder in hand.

“John!” Olivia exclaimed with a smile, as she opened the door to find him stood on her doorstep. “What a wonderful surprise! Come in, come in.”

“You look well Olivia,” John told her, eying her ever-growing bump.

At five months pregnant, it was more pronounced now; there was no hiding it anymore. The rumour mill had been turning for the past few weeks and today, Ed Tucker had barged into her office wanting answers.

He knew the baby couldn’t be his, the same way Olivia was one hundred percent sure that Rafael was the father. Tucker had undergone a vasectomy while he was still married. He was hurt and angry. He lashed out with his words, calling Olivia several names and demanding to know who the father was. She hadn’t told him - although he probably had his suspicions. Her close relationship with Rafael had been the cause of several disagreements during their relationship. He’d railed for several minutes before Fin returned from his break and threw him out. Then he’d promptly sent Olivia home, quoting her doctor’s advice about maintaining a healthy blood pressure. She was beginning to wish she hadn’t let him accompany her to her last appointment. He was driving her to distraction.

“Thank you,” she replied, settling on the sofa. “I’ve had a rather restful afternoon thanks to Fin.”

Munch nodded as he joined her. “So I hear. Don’t let Fin get too used to being in charge, will you? It’ll go straight to his head.”

Olivia scoffed. “I think it already has.” She clasped her hands in her lap. “So, to what do I owe this impromptu visit?”

“I have something for you.” He handed her the file. She reached to take it from him, but he held onto his end. He wasn’t finished. “Before you open it, just know that our actions were… are... well-intentioned.”

Olivia eyed the file suspiciously as Munch relinquished his hold on it. She opened it and promptly shut it again. “I can’t… I can’t know this.”

It was Rafael’s US Marshall file. The details of his witness protection and his new identity.

“You can, if you want to,” Munch assured. “I’ll destroy it once you’ve got everything you need from it.”

She toyed with the edge of the file, flicking it with her nail. She could – _should_ – give the file back to John without opening it again. That was the law; a law she was supposed to abide by and enforce. But if she did that, she’d be destroying any hopes of contacting Rafael. Of telling him that he was going to be a father. She couldn’t do that. She glanced up a John, who read her uncertainty.

“Read it, Liv.”

Gingerly, she opened the cover and for a few moments could focus on nothing other than the photo of him. They’d never had many opportunities to take photos together, so she’d relied on her memory to recall what he looked like. For the first few weeks, conjuring up an image of him had been easy, but as time went on, it became more difficult. Features would fade, and he wouldn’t look quite right, but she couldn’t put her finger on why.

When she finally managed to tear her gaze away from the photograph, she discovered that he was now, ‘Rafael Diaz’ who lived in Columbus and worked as a law professor at Ohio State.

“How safe is it… to contact him?” she asked.

“Fin’s been on to gang intelligence. The gang are still out there. Their shot caller’s dead but…” 

Olivia nodded. If Rafael came back, or they got an inkling of the fact that he was still alive there’s no telling what they would do.

“Fin tells me there’s a couple of UCs in there…” John continued, “working to bring them down from the inside.”

“That could take years,” Olivia sighed, her hand absentmindedly rubbing her swollen belly. “I can’t wait that long.”

“I know. But you’ve got me. And whatever you decide to do Liv, I’ll help you.”

Olivia didn’t even roll her eyes at John’s paranoia. In this case, it was warranted; it might be the only way to ensure that Rafael stayed safe should she contact him.

* * *

Over the next few days, she considered her options. The folder John had provided her with had contained postal and email addresses, plus a phone number. But Olivia couldn’t bring herself to deliver the news of his impending fatherhood in such an impersonal way. She needed to do it face to face. She was going to have to find a way to get to Columbus.

Flying wasn’t really an option in her condition plus if anyone did have her under surveillance, it was too traceable. So, a few weeks after his initial visit, John sourced her a nondescript Ford Fiesta and she drove the 540 miles. Lucy had agreed to watch Noah; she’d spun her nanny and her squad the story that she was taking a few days to go to a spa and relax before the baby was born as per her doctor’s recommendation. Only Fin knew the real reason for her absence and only John knew the destination. It was safer that way.

Driving for long periods of time at almost six months pregnant wasn’t the most comfortable way to travel, so she made sure to stop regularly and split the journey over two days, staying overnight in a motel in Bedford, Pennsylvania on the way. Doubts plagued her at every rest stop and every time she toyed with the idea of turning back, leaving things as they were. But she couldn’t. She wanted, needed to see him. She’d made her decision and she would stick to it. Besides, he deserved to know.

When she finally arrived in Columbus, she checked into her hotel under the assumed name John had used when booking it, cleaned up and lay down for a quick nap. However, the travelling had taken it out of her and she slept for longer than she’d intended. Waking, she saw that it was nearly four-thirty. Munch had provided her with Rafael’s timetable and she knew he’d be finishing his last lecture in about forty-five minutes. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood, padding to the bathroom

Forty minutes later, she was sitting on a bench outside of the faculty building, watching as a large group of students filed out. A few moments later, her breath hitched as she saw him for the first time in almost six months. His hair was longer, and he had let his facial hair grow a little, but she recognised him instantly. He was chatting with a student, so didn’t notice her at first. Olivia stood from the bench and began to slowly walk towards him. After bidding the student goodbye with an encouraging pat on the shoulder, he turned and finally looked in her direction. She stood frozen in his gaze but managed a weak smile.

He did a double take as he spotted her; his heart rate increasing as he realised that he wasn’t dreaming. It really was her. She was here. A smile spread across his face as he quickened his step to reach her. “Liv?”

“Hi.”

“Hi!” Without warning, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him, embracing her tightly.

“Rafa, wait…” she protested, wanting to give him some warning of her condition, but it was too late.

Feeling the swell of her stomach against him, he pulled back, eyes wide and searching. “Liv?” He blinked a few times, before glancing down to where her bump was obscured somewhat by her coat, “Are you…?” he asked, meeting her eyes once more.

She nodded. “I’m pregnant, yes.”

“I…” he swallowed thickly. “How… how far along are you?”

Part of him wasn’t sure he really wanted to the know the answer. Whichever way she answered would change things. If he wasn’t the father, then it spelt the end for the two of them – more so than his disappearance into witness protection. She would stay with Tucker and make things work. She wouldn’t leave her child without a father. And he wouldn’t expect her to. But if he was the father – oh, if he was – it would make him happier than he ever thought possible. Even though it brought its own set of problems, the main one being his supposed death.

Olivia gestured to the bench. “Do you mind if we sit?” she asked. “My feet are killing me.”

“No, no, of course not.” He took a seat next to her and she reached for his hand.

“I’m almost six months. And, before you ask, yes, you’re the father.”  She knew he’d wonder – she had been seeing Tucker after all – and she wanted to be clear from the start, to avoid any potential misunderstandings.

Rafael ran his free hand through his hair. “Hell.” A father. He was going to have a child. Happiness bubbled up within him but so did a raft of other emotions; pride, fear, worry. And questions. He had lots of questions. But which to ask first? He took a few deep, calming breaths.

Olivia recognised his actions, having seen him do the same thing many times before in the courtroom. He was gathering his thoughts, so she allowed him the space to do so.

“Are you okay?” he asked eventually. It was, first and foremost, the most important thing he needed to know. “Isn’t pregnancy riskier for women of…”

“I’d be very careful how you finish that sentence if I were you. I’m still armed,” Olivia warned, glaring at him playfully.

He smirked, glad that their easy banter hadn’t been affected by their time apart or this new development. “I was going to say, ‘more mature years’.”

Olivia pulled a face; that wasn’t much better.

Rafael chuckled. “Sorry. But, _is_ everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. My age was a bit of a concern at first,” she admitted. “But I’ve had all the tests and they’re clear. Both the baby and I are perfectly healthy.”

He nodded. “Good. That’s good.”

Olivia reached into her purse and pulled out a small envelope. “Here,” she said, handing it to him.

Rafael retrieved the card from inside and opened it to reveal a print out of Olivia’s sonogram. Tears filled his eyes as he looked at the grainy black and white image of his child. Their child. His fingers traced the outline of the baby’s head and noticed that underneath her name at the top was printed. “Baby Boy Barba.”

“It’s a boy?”

Olivia nodded. “It appears it’s my destiny to be surrounded by handsome men.”

“And you gave him my name?”

She smiled at him. “Of course I did. He’s your son. That’s the latest scan. I brought the earlier ones too…  I’ve wanted to tell you since I first found out, but…”

“…but you had no way of contacting me.”

“No… and the US Marshalls were particularly unhelpful.”

“It’s okay,” he assured her. He understood her predicament; there were many times over the last seven months that he’d wanted to pick up the phone and hear her voice, and it broke his heart that he couldn’t. And that was without having any life-altering news to share. He could only imagine what it must have been like for Olivia.

“I’m not here to ask anything of you, Rafa. I’m fully aware that this is probably the last thing you need right now. I mean, for all I know you could be seeing someone and here I am about to throw this massive bomb into your life and-”

“Liv! Stop. Breathe.” He put a hand on her arm. “First of all, I’m not seeing anyone. Let’s clear that up right now. I told you that night that I loved you and I meant it. I wouldn’t move on that quickly, Liv. I couldn’t.” Rafael reached up and swept her fair from out of her face, tucking it behind her ear, before tracing the side of her neck. “Second, I want to be involved in this… in whatever ways I can be… whatever ways you want me to be… You don’t have to be alone in this Liv, okay?”

She nodded, momentarily unable to speak. Tears blurred her vision. She cupped his face and leaned forward to kiss him softly. “Okay,” she whispered against his mouth. Pulling away, she took his hand and placed it on the swell of her abdomen, allowing him to feel his son’s presence for the first time. She pulled her bottom lip in with her teeth and lifted her eyes slowly, watching his reaction.

“Wow.” His eyes widened with wonder as he felt a slight flutter under his palm, but there was worry in his gaze too. Uncertainty about what the future held. “Liv…”

“I know,” she replied with a watery smile. 

He took a breath, reigning in his emotions. “So, tell me, if the US Marshalls wouldn’t help you, how did you find me?”

“That’s… quite a story. Buy me dinner and I might just consider telling you.” Rafael raised an eyebrow. “Hey, your son is demanding food,” Olivia defended. “Don’t blame me.”


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia spent two whole day and nights in Columbus with Rafael before returning home. He took a couple of personal days and they spent their time reconnecting; talking, reminiscing, and enjoying being together. Their nights were spent in Olivia’s hotel room reconnecting on a more physical level. Rafael revelled in the changes in her body. They may have only been together once before he left, but Rafael had replayed that night over and over – not wanting to take the chance that he might forget the feel and taste of her. She’d been gorgeous then and was even more so now. Her pregnancy had only served to enhance her natural curves, much to Rafael’s delight.

Following Munch’s advice, they drove across the state line into Indianapolis to purchase two burner phones – with cash so they couldn’t be traced – and to visit an internet café to set up a new email account to which they both had access.

It wasn’t to be used to send emails though. Instead, they would write and save them in the drafts folder so that when the other logged in, they could read what was written. They would then compose a new draft, deleting the previous one. That had been Munch’s idea too. Neither Olivia or Rafael were one hundred percent convinced it was necessary, but they were willing to take the extra precautions to ensure Rafael’s safety.

On their final day together, they’d shared a tearful goodbye in Olivia’s hotel room – promising to communicate daily before parting. Rafael left first and then half an hour later, when she’d regained control of her emotions, Olivia checked out and started the lonely journey home.

They hadn’t seen each other since, but they’d kept their promise to communicate daily – usually by phone, but sometimes by text or email if they were too busy to speak.

Life continued on but being pregnant at forty-five was not a walk in the park. Olivia found she tired easily, especially having Noah to look after as well as her unborn child. When her blood pressure began to run much too high for her doctor's liking, she took early maternity leave. This made communication with Rafael easier because there were fewer people around to notice if she took private phone calls.  But Olivia found not working difficult, and she felt guilty leaving the squad shorthanded, but the alternative was bed rest if she didn't slow down. She spent her days washing and folding baby clothes and blankets, reading and playing with Noah – when she had the energy.

Suddenly having a lot of free time also gave Olivia chance to think about the future. How she and Rafael would navigate parenting when he was technically dead and they lived in different states separated by over 500 miles. As things stood at the moment, he couldn’t return to New York, although she knew he would do so in an instant if it was possible. The only other alternative – if they were going to be together – was for her to move to Columbus. Her entire life was in NYC, her friends, her job, and she couldn’t imagine not working for Manhattan SVU, it had been her life for the past eighteen years. She really didn’t want to leave. But she didn’t know if she had it in her to do something that would keep Rafael from his son.

She went back and forth between what to do for the best, driving herself crazy with worry. She was starting to wonder how much longer she could continue like this without going completely insane when one day, two months after her visit to Columbus, she awoke from a nap with pain in her back. Hoping it was just Braxton Hicks – she’d had those a few days before – she rubbed soft circles on her bump and tried to go back to sleep. When her stomach muscles tightened a few minutes later and a deep, dull ache settled low in her abdomen, she began to suspect that it wasn’t. Her waters breaking ten minutes later confirmed her suspicions. She was in labour.

Trying not to think about the fact that she had almost a month until her due date, she called Fin to drive her to the hospital. Then she called Lucy and asked her to stay with Noah once she picked him up from pre-school. The young nanny was more than happy to do so and wished Liv luck, making her promise to call as soon as she had news.

After settling Olivia into the passenger seat, Fin rounded the car quickly. He used his siren, not caring about the consequences, and got them to the hospital in record time, and – luckily – in one piece. He screeched to a stop in the ambulance bay and jumped out. Opening the passenger door, he helped Olivia out of the car and walked her into Lennox Hill Hospital.

* * *

Pain.

Pain beyond anything she'd imagined. That was what Olivia felt as she gritted her teeth, willing herself to breathe, trying to focus on the rhythmic beating of her son’s heartbeat on the monitors. She’d read all the books and done all the research, but nothing had prepared her for the excruciating agony of labour. It had been seven hours and she was tired. She wanted it to be over already.

In her peripheral vision, Olivia saw the door to the delivery room open, but she didn’t pay much attention. There had been doctors, nurses and other hospital staff in and out since she arrived so she’d long since stopped noticing the comings and goings. It was only when she heard his voice – and for a moment thought the pain was making her delusional – that she looked up.

Seeing Rafael stood in the doorway her eyes widened.

“Rafa?! What are you- Aaaaaah!” Another contraction hit her, and Rafael winced, rushing to her side and grabbing her hand. From what Fin had told him when he’d passed the detective in the waiting area, her labour was progressing normally, and it wouldn’t be long before their son was born. There were two nurses and Olivia’s OBGYN in the room, creating a flurry of activity that he ignored. The monitor next to Olivia’s bed was beating a steady rhythm much too fast to be her heart rate and Rafael realised that he was hearing his son’s heartbeat for the first time. Swallowing his emotions, he spoke quietly.

“I wasn’t going to miss this. As soon as Munch called, I headed straight to the airport.”

He’d had a bag packed and in the trunk of his car for weeks, but he hadn’t expected Olivia to go into labour for at least another two – no one had. When he’d seen Munch’s number on the caller display, Rafael had known something was wrong. The tone of the older man's voice caused Rafael’s heart to constrict and he’d grabbed his jacket, rushing out of the faculty meeting with a mumbled apology, ignoring the looks from the other professors. He’d made it to the airport in record time – praying that his son would be patient enough to wait for him before making his entrance into the world – and paid an exorbitant amount of money for a last-minute plane ticket. He knew it was risky – if his new identity was flagged by US Marshalls as boarding a flight back to New York he could be in serious trouble – but flying was the only option if he had any chance of making it in time to see his son enter the world.

“You… you can’t be here,” Olivia gasped through the pain. “It’s not safe.”

“Don’t worry about that, _carino,”_ he whispered, kissing the side of her head. “Fin and Munch are taking care of my security.” After he’d told Munch he was on his way, the former sergeant had met him at La Guardia to drive him to the hospital, while Fin kept Olivia company.

When the pain from the contraction wore off, he found Olivia scowling at him. “You arranged it all without me?”

“You didn’t need the extra stress,” Rafael explained. “We weren’t deliberately excluding you. Besides, this way it was a surprise.”

Olivia nodded. He was right, it was certainly a surprise – and a very good one too. Olivia had often wondered over the last few months, how she was going to get through the labour on her own. Rollins and Carisi had both offered to be her birthing partner. Even Fin had – somewhat reluctantly – thrown his hat into the ring, sensing she wasn’t comfortable with her first two choices. But she had politely declined all three of them. If she couldn’t have Rafael in there with her, she didn’t want anyone else. It wasn’t fair for someone other than him to witness the birth of his son.

Now she was in premature labour. Her stomach was in knots with worry; she still had four weeks to go.  In her head, Olivia knew that by this point, the baby would probably be okay – the only thing of concern might possibly be his lungs, but her emotions were overriding the logic and she was scared. She was glad Rafael was here. She needed him. Olivia wouldn't let the terror sink in, not completely, but she felt the chill trying to take hold.

Pain radiated through her back and belly as another contraction hit. She leaned forward, and Rafael rubbed her back soothingly, trying to ignore the pain in his hand from where she was squeezing it. He knew it was nothing compared to the pain she was experiencing.

When the pain had passed, Rafael placed a hand on her rounded stomach, rubbing gently. He couldn’t believe how big she was. She’d sent photos, but it wasn’t the same as seeing it up close and personal.

“Seems someone is a little impatient,” he commented.

She tipped her head back. There was moisture in her eyes, still carefully contained. Her lips trembled a bit, the fear and worry fighting to take hold, but she held it back, managing a small smirk. “I wonder where he gets that from?”

Rafael smirked right back, knowing she was thinking about how he was when waiting for juries to return a verdict. “Not a clue.” He bent his head and pressed a soft kiss to her mouth. He pressed his forehead against hers, then nuzzled her cheek. “It’s going to be okay,” he murmured against her ear.

"I'm going to hold you to that," she stated quietly. Olivia leaned gratefully into him, let his warmth sink into her and chase away the chill. “I don't even have the crib put together, nothing is ready. What-”

“Hey," he leaned back and looked in to her eyes. "Stop worrying. There’s time. And your squad will help.”

“Okay, Olivia,” her OBGYN said, “it’s time. When you feel the next contraction, I need you to push.”

When the next contraction came, Olivia hunched forward and pushed, a cry escaping her lips. Rafael coached her, holding her hand throughout, hoping he didn’t look as worried as he felt. It was terrifying to witness the woman he loved in this much pain and know that there was nothing he could do to really help her.

“That’s it, Olivia. You’re doing great,” encouraged the nurse. “It won’t be long now.”

Rafael wiped her reddened face as she leaned back, panting. He breathed with her, surprising her. With him in Columbus, she’d been to the Lamaze classes alone.

“I watched a lot of videos,” he explained, at her surprised look. God knows what his internet service provider thought of his search history.

She smiled wearily. “I can’t do this, Rafa,” she gasped. She hadn’t been pushing for that long, but she was already exhausted.

It was on the tip of Rafael’s tongue to say that she didn’t really have a choice – affectionately, of course, accompanied by his trademark smirk, but he didn’t think that would go over very well… not that the moment. So, he went for an encouraging remark instead.

“You can. You’re the most amazing woman I know!” Rafael’s voice was soothing as Olivia gathered herself in preparation for the next round of pain. “You _can_ do this. I know you can. And at the end, when it’s all over, you’ll hold our son in your arms and all the pain will be a distant memory.”

Olivia screamed as another contraction wracked her body, sooner than expected. Her face contorted with agony, and Rafael’s knuckles cracked under the strength of her grip. He pulled his hand free as the contraction subsided, but another one arrived hot on its heels.

Olivia took a deep breath and pushed once more, crying out.

“That’s it Liv, push!” Rafael urged, pushing her damp her back off her face. “It’s nearly over.”

Fifteen minutes later, baby boy Barba entered the world, making his presence be known with a low, unhappy mewl that filled the room. The first sound was almost squeaking, and barely there, but it increased in volume. “There he is," Rafael smiled, and Olivia managed a weary smile in return.

“Is he okay?” she asked.

Rafael craned his head toward the corner of the room, where the NICU nurses had taken their son the moment he was delivered.

He only got a glimpse or two of the flailing, somewhat unhappy newborn, but what he saw looked perfect. Rafael turned his attention back to his Olivia.

"Well, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with his lungs. He—" Rafael trailed off. Her eyes were closed, and she was extremely pale. "Liv?" At the same moment, he realized she wasn't responding, monitors around them began screaming. "Liv?!" Rafael cupped her face. "Liv, look at me."

There was a sudden flurry of activity at the end of the bed and Rafael instinctively turned to see what was happening. He wished he hadn’t. There was blood – a lot more than there had been a few moments ago, a deeper red too – and it stood out in stark contrast to the paleness of Olivia’s skin. He stared at it for a moment, stomach dropping and heart wrenching.

"Get him out of here," the doctor ordered.

"Sir." One of the nurses moved from the table to capture his attention. "We need you to step out." The other nurse joined her. "Go with Nurse Fletcher and someone will come and find you the minute that I have an update."

"She was fine," he said, a bit dazed. They were walking him backwards. "She was talking, it was—"

"I know," the nurse said gently. "But she's thrown a bleeder, and we need to work quickly to stop it. We need you to go so that we can help her."

“The baby?”

“He seems fine. The NICU staff will check him over properly and let you know.”

"Sir." The younger nurse touched his arm, her tone soft, yet insistent. For a moment he was immovable, but he finally stepped away. As he left the room, the doctor grabbed the rails of Olivia’s gurney, and pushed her out the door, muttering something about the OR. Rafael could only watch as the two nurses ran with him, one stabilizing the IV pole and the other leading the way, sweeping pedestrians and swinging doors from their path.

* * *

  
He stood for a few moments, his gaze fixed on the double doors they’d rushed through before walking in the opposite direction, in something of a daze, toward the waiting room. He was staring at the floor in front of him, but not really seeing it. He stepped into the room, and Fin and Munch turned towards him expecting news, good news. Rafael’s feet felt heavy as he walked toward them. He could see in their faces the moment they read his expression.

“The baby’s good. He's… making his presence known." Rafael moved a hand to his hip, for lack of anywhere else to put it. The other moved into his hair. He took a breath, but his chest didn't want to fill. There was a deep, clenching ache there. Fear made his stomach twist painfully. "They were going to take him to NICU, check him over. I only saw him for a second, and just a glimpse. He was… he was good."

It was what he didn’t say that made Fin’s smile falter. “What about Liv?”

Rafael stared back at the detective. What could he say? He didn't actually know. They'd booted him out and told him to wait. For what? Good news? Bad? Had he seen her for the last time? He could still see the sparkle in her eyes from just minutes before. The smile on her face as she’d heard their son’s first cries.

“They’re still with her,” Rafael said finally. “There was… a problem. She started bleeding. I don’t know anything else. They said they’d let me know.”

Munch put a hand on Rafael’s shoulder and led him to a chair. He gave the younger man’s arm a pat and sat down next to him. “She’ll be okay. Liv’s a fighter.”

“Yeah,” agreed Fin. “She’s strong. She’ll pull through.”

She was strong – she’d been through some tough situations in her life - but Rafael wondered if she was strong enough to survive this. He knew the pregnancy had taken its toll on her body in her third trimester. She’d told him a little – more out of necessity she was sure, than want. But he’d seen it in the photos she’d sent, heard the tiredness in her voice when they’d spoken on the phone. He felt guilty. He should have been there. She should have been looked after and pampered throughout, not left to take care of a three-year-old singlehandedly at the same time as growing another human being.

Rafael’s thoughts turned to Noah. What would become of him if Olivia didn’t make it? The three-year-old had no living blood relatives and Rafael held no claim over him. He doubted the boy even remembered his uncle Rafa, although Liv told him otherwise.

She’d not been able to bring herself to tell her son that Rafael had ‘died’ so she had just told him he’d gone away, and they wouldn’t be able to see him anymore. But since visiting Rafael in Columbus, Olivia had shown Noah pictures of Rafael and talked about him to prepare her son for the possibility – however remote – that they may all be reunited at some point.

That was his end-goal. For the four of them to be a family. He wasn’t sure yet how that could happen. He knew Munch and Fin were keeping their ear to the ground and liaising with Gang Intelligence, but there wasn’t much to be heard as of yet. He wanted to move back to New York. He missed the hustle and bustle, the atmosphere. He longed to see his mother, to let her know he was alive, that she was now a grandmother. And of course, to be with Olivia, Noah and their new son. To raise the two boys together, as a family.

Olivia and Noah could always move to Columbus. He had a steady job, and the neighbourhood where he lived was leafy, green – there would be plenty of open space for the boys to run around. But asking Olivia to leave SVU would be like asking her to give up part of her soul. He wasn’t sure he could do that to her. He’d been planning on discussing it with her after she’d had the baby – not wanting to give her something else to worry about.

But it all might be for nought now. Given the amount of blood and the look of panic on the OBGYN’s face, Rafael was well aware of the severity of the situation. Clasping his hands together, he lowered his head and – for the first time in a long time – he prayed. He prayed to a god he wasn’t even sure he still believed in that Olivia would survive.

His silent plea to the Almighty over, Rafael let out a deep sigh and looked once more to the double doors Olivia had disappeared through, wondering if he’d ever see the woman he loved again.

“So, Liv says you’re teaching now,” Fin commented, trying to distract Rafael from the dark places he knew his thoughts were headed. “Bit of a change from the courtroom. How you finding that?”

Rafael turned to ask the detective why it even mattered, but he found him looking at him sympathetically and his attitude softened. He knew what he was trying to do so he gave a small shrug. “It’s okay. It pays the bills. I never thought it was something I would want to do but needs must. Most of the time, I enjoy it. Turns out not all law students are as annoying as Carisi.”

“No one could possibly be as annoying as Carisi in lawyer mode,” Fin agreed.

“Family of Olivia Benson?” The voice came from the far end of the waiting room.

Rafael stood up immediately. This was not one of the doctors who had been in the room for the delivery. This was a younger man, in deep blue scrubs. He walked toward him. "How's Liv?"

"That I don't know," the doctor said sympathetically. "I'm Doctor Pearce, I'm the Neonatologist. I'm overseeing your son's care." He waited for the recognition, then he smiled. "He's doing great. His lungs are functioning at full capacity. We're going to keep him in the NICU for a few hours, just to monitor, but everything checked out perfectly. You've got a completely healthy, six-pound baby boy."

“Six pounds? That sounds small,” Rafael said, worry in his voice.

“He is small, but well within normal for where we are. We'll continue to monitor him for a little while, and then we'll move him to the nursery." The doctor smiled again. "I can actually take you up to see him now if you'd like."

"Go." Munch urged him. "We'll make sure they know where to find you. Liv would want you with him.”

The thought of leaving Olivia was not one that sat comfortably with Rafael, but he knew that Munch was right. There was nothing he could do for her at the moment, but he could go and be with their son, and make sure the little boy wasn’t alone. He would hold him and continue to pray that his mother would live to see him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive any errors in my Spanish - I did French in high school, so I have to rely on Google translate.

The NICU was a separate department on the same floor. The doctor swiped a badge, letting them inside. After Rafael had washed his hands, he was shown to an incubator near a row of windows. The baby inside was still crying, expressing his disdain. There were monitors around him, and he was wearing a cap and diaper but little else, as he lay beneath a lamp. The doctor stepped over and disconnected the leads. A nurse stood nearby with a blanket, and they quickly swaddled him before offering him to his father.

Rafael’s hands shook a bit. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d held a baby – and none of them had been as small as his son was right now. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he, of all people, was a father – he’d never envisioned having children – but as he took his son in his hands, he felt his chest swell with an uncontrollable, indescribable emotion. Rafael drew the baby close, as he squirmed and kicked, and began bouncing him gently. He could scarcely believe that he'd contributed to the creation of something so absolutely, breathtakingly perfect. His son was, without a doubt, the most amazing thing Rafael had seen in his entire life.

“Hey now, ssshh,” he cooed softly. “It’s okay.”

Feeling the warmth and heartbeat of another human, the newborn’s cries slowly faded to snuffles and mewls, before stopping completely. Rafael moved nearer the windows with him, letting the bright sunlight warm them both. He watched the baby yawn and smiled.

“It’s been a bit of a day, eh, _mijo?_ It’s no wonder you’re tired.” Rafael’s fingertip stroked the tiny fingers, long like his mother's. The baby's fingers curled around the tip of his finger and, even though he knew it was probably just a reflex, Rafael smiled anyway. “I know you probably don’t have a clue who I am, but I’m your Dad… _tu_ _Papi._ I’m sorry I’ve not been around much. I’ll try to do better.”

“So, you probably wondering where your _mami_ is, _si_? Well, she’s still with the doctors. Hopefully, you’ll get to see her soon. She’s amazing…” He glanced around, feeling somewhat self-conscious speaking about Olivia. He switched to Spanish. “ _Ella es una mami brillante. Eres un niño muy afortunado_.”

Rafael stared adoringly at his son until he began to fuss slightly, at which point he resumed bouncing and rocking him. As he did, the words of an old Cuban lullaby came to him – one his Abuelita had sung to him and his cousins when they were little – and he began to sing softly,

_Aruru mi niño, arrurú mi sol_  
_Aruru pedazo de mi corazón_  
_Este niño mio, se quiere dormir_  
_Y el pícaro sueño no quiere venir_  
_Este niño lindo, se quiere dormir_  
_Cierra los ojitos y los vuelve a abir_

“Mr Barba?”

It took a few seconds for Rafael to register he was being spoken to; he hadn’t heard his real name in so long. He froze for a moment, before noticing Olivia’s doctor standing nearby and remembered that she’d given their son his name – so it made sense the man would address him in such a way.

Somewhat embarrassed from being caught singing, Rafael willed his blushes away before turning to look at Olivia’s OBGYN.

His face was relaxed, even relieved. “Olivia is in recovery now,” he began. We were able to get the bleeding under control. We’re replacing what she lost now and then they’ll be moving her to a room. She’s going to be fine.”

The relief almost staggered Rafael and he leaned against the window ledge. “What happened?” he asked thickly. “She was fine.”

“She suffered from a placental abruption. The placenta began to detach from the uterine wall too soon and caused a bleed. It occurs in about one in every hundred pregnancies.”

Rafael continued to hold their son close. “When can I see her?” His chest constricted. He wouldn't truly believe the doctor’s words until he laid eyes on Olivia himself.

“Soon,” the doctor said. “I'll send someone for you after she's moved into a room. In the meantime, enjoy that little guy. He looks great. Doctor Pearce told me the news. Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” he replied. “For saving her.” But his attention hardly shifted from the sleepy baby in his arms. Asleep, the boy only looked like his mother. Although it was usually hard to discern a newborn's features at all. Rafael could only see Olivia. He knew she would probably argue with him about that. But he didn’t mind. As long as she was okay, she could argue with him as much as she liked.

* * *

Around an hour and a half later, a nurse came to tell him that Olivia was in a room. She was still unconscious when he joined her. Far too pale for his liking, but not nearly as bad as that one, frightening moment in the delivery room. Rafael drew a chair close to the bed and sat, taking her hand. He held it in both of his. It was warm, which was reassuring. He drew it to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly and sat, quietly waiting.

He was dozing when heard the low hum. Rafael’s eyes opened, and he sat up in his chair. He had leaned back at some point after Fin and Munch had come by to check on her. They were managing to hold Rollins and Carisi off for the moment, given the circumstances, but warned Rafael that they’d want to see Olivia and the baby soon. That would mean he’d have to disappear for a while as they didn’t know he was alive. He wasn’t even sure if Olivia had told them the baby was his.

Rafael glanced at his watch. It was still early – not even dawn - so he wouldn’t have to worry about that just yet. Olivia had been out for some time. Rafael moved to the edge of her bed and sat carefully on the thin mattress.

He took her hand and lay his other against her cheek. Her eyes fluttered and then opened. He felt his world right itself again. “Hi.”

“Hmm…” She shifted and winced. Her eyes closed, for just a moment. The room came slowly back in to focus. “What happened?” Her head was swimming, and her body ached.

“You gave us a bit of a scare, but everything is fine now.” The backs of his fingers stroked her cheek. “You started bleeding, but they fixed it.”

She nodded slowly, the fog was clearing. She drew a breath and met his soft, smiling gaze. “The baby, what—”

He pressed a finger to her lips. “See for yourself.” Rafael stood. The NICU nurses had brought their son in a couple of hours before. Rafael scooped the sleeping bundle out of the crib and carried him over. He helped Olivia ease up and lifted the head of her bed a bit, to support her. Then he lay the baby in her arms and slipped carefully into the bed beside her. His arms curled around her as he edged in, slightly behind her, against the thin, hospital pillows. Rafael tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “He's been a bit indignant at your absence.”

The small, soft weight settled easily into her arms. Beneath the little blue and white striped hat, there was a soft down of dark hair. He was perfectly pink and well-formed. His nose wrinkled and twitched when Olivia drew her finger down the small, rounded bud. “ _Rafa_ ,” she whispered his name and leaned into him. “Look what we did.”

Rafael nuzzled her cheek. “Yeah, he’s pretty perfect.”

She smiled up at him, kissing him gently before her attention was drawn back to the child in her arms. Olivia loosened the blanket, needing to see him properly. The action woke him. His eyes, deep, darkest blue fluttered open.

She stroked a finger down a tiny cheek. He was staring back at her, even though she knew his newborn eyes wouldn't be able to focus yet. “Hi, sweet boy.” Moisture filled her eyes as her teeth scraped across her bottom lip. Olivia felt Rafael’s arms tighten around her and she lifted a hand to his cheek, while their son stretched and yawned in her arms.

Rafael drew his gaze away from their son to look at Olivia. She was beautiful. Possibly more beautiful than he’d ever seen her. Hair a tousled mess, face pale, makeup mostly gone, the lines around her eyes and mouth more defined. Even with the stressful turn the day had taken, she was now flushed with a maternal warmth he'd only glimpsed previously. Rafael touched his lips to her shoulder, while she tucked the blanket around their son again. “He needs a name,” he said quietly.

“He does,” Olivia agreed with a smile. She had wanted to meet her son before she decided what to call him, but between the two of them they’d come up with a shortlist. 

He reached around her and touched one of his son’s tiny hands. It curled around the tip of his index finger. “What do you think?”

She leaned her head against his. “I still like Rafael,” she told him with a smirk.

Rafael shook his head and chuckled quietly. She’d been teasing him ever since they began discussing names that she was going to name their son after him. Something he’d disputed vehemently. “No.”

“But-”

“Aside from the fact that it’s an awful name-”

“I disagree.”

“You would,” he replied with a smile. Any excuse to squabble with him. “But that aside, firstborns are the ones named for their father and we already have Noah.” He didn’t realise how presumptuous he was being until Olivia didn’t respond. “Sorry, I…”

She lifted her eyes to meet his and shook her head. “No. Don’t be.” Her eyes were brimming with tears and she pressed her lips together in a thin line to stop them from trembling. “The fact that you are willing to claim Noah… to be his father… it’s more than I ever hoped for. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this.”

“Look, Liv, Noah needs a dad, right?” He smiled a little sheepishly at her and glanced down at the baby still holding tightly to his finger. “And this little one is going to call me ‘Dad’. I don’t want Noah to feel excluded or confused.”

Olivia lay trembling fingers against his cheek and drew his gaze back to hers. She wasn’t usually one for dramatic emotional displays, but her hormones were playing havoc with her at the moment. “But what if we can’t make it work?” she asked tearfully. They’d not even attempted a relationship – they’d shared one night together – and as much as they loved each other, they’d both seen enough of life to know that love wasn’t always enough.  

“Doesn’t matter.” Rafael stared steadily back at her. “He’ll still be mine. Even if we don’t make it – and I really don’t want to think about that – but even if we don’t, I won’t walk away from Noah. I’ve made a commitment to him and that’s between me and him. It doesn’t have anything to do with us. He’ll be my son, Liv. Just as much as this little one. Our relationship, or lack of one, won’t change that.”

Olivia smiled up at him, swallowing the lump in her throat that his words had put there. “Okay then, so that’s a no to Rafael. Are any on your shortlist jumping out at you now that he’s here?”

“We could always name him after you,” Rafael suggested. “Oliver?” It hadn’t been on his original shortlist but now he was here, it seemed to fit.

Olivia wrinkled her nose as she considered it. “I don’t know. Like you said... Noah should be the one named for his parents.”

“Noah already had a name,” Rafael reminded her. “And his middle name is special. It’s his connection to Ellie. You wouldn’t change that.”

“No.”

“And when he grows up – when he understands about his adoption – he’ll appreciate that. He won’t mind that you named his brother after you and not him.”  

“I guess. I wouldn’t want it to be his first name though. Let’s see how it fits with his first name when we decide on it. What names were on your shortlist?”

“Andrew, Joseph, Alejandro,” he ignored Liv’s raised eyebrow. He knew she’d veto it, but he’d wanted to put it in there, not because of his old friend, but because he did like the name. “Mateo and Theo.”

“Theo’s on mine too.”  

“Yeah?” Rafael smiled, his brows lifting slightly in surprise. “What else?”

“Well, you know about Rafael,” she said, smirking once again. “I also had Jayden, Adam and Isaac.”

“So, Theo?” It seemed sensible; they both clearly liked the name or it wouldn’t have made their shortlists.

Olivia tilted her head and studied her newborn son, taking in his tiny features. She suspected his eyes would turn brown like hers, they were awfully dark, even if they were currently blue. “Yeah, I think so.” She stroked a hand over his downy hair. “Theo Oliver Barba,” she whispered, testing out the name. She glanced at Rafael.

“Sounds good to me,” Rafael said, pressing a kiss to her lips. “I love you,” he told her. “Thank you.”

Olivia’s brow furrowed as she looked at him. “For?”

“For Theo.” He nodded his head at the sleeping child. “For putting yourself through nine months of hell.”

“You’re forgetting he was early. It was only eight months.”

“Still… you were alone and… I know you didn’t have to do it. You could have g-”

“No!” Olivia cut him off. “That thought never entered my head. Not once. Maybe it was selfishness, wanting to have a small part of you, but I never thought about not having him.”

To say she was surprised to discover she was pregnant would be an understatement. She was in her mid-forties and thought she was past all that. But, despite the initial shock and fear of being a single parent to two young children, she’d never considered having an abortion. She was pro-choice, she believed and advocated for women to be able to choose what to do with their own bodies, but it was not the choice for her. She’d always wanted children – the day she’d adopted Noah was one of the best of her life. Now she had the opportunity to have another child. One that would share the DNA of both her and the man she loved. She wouldn’t love Noah any less than the new baby, he was still her son. But the life she carried inside her would link her and Rafael forever. So, yes, she may have had selfish motivations for keeping the baby, but she wouldn’t change her decision and she would never regret it.

“Well, whatever the motivation, thank you, Liv. He’s perfect.” He kissed her again, his lips soft against hers.

_I love you_ , she mouthed against them before leaning her head against his shoulder.

They sat like that for a few minutes longer, until the bundle in Olivia’s arms began to fuss. His mother looked down at him and stroked his cheek with the back of her finger. Theo turned his little head, rooting.

“I think he’s hungry,” Olivia said. The rooting was a tell-tale sign that he was due a feed, as was the ache in her breasts.

Rafael glanced at the clock on the wall. “Could well be. The nurses said he would probably wake to eat soon. They offered to come in and help you feed him. Apparently, it can be tricky at first.”

“Yeah, that would be–” Olivia’s eyes widened as she followed Rafael’s gaze to the clock. “Oh my God, Is that the time. Noah–.” Her eyes darted around the room, searching for her bag. “I need to call Lucy.”

“Fin spoke to her. She was happy to stay with him.  She said she’d bring him over in the morning to meet his little brother,” Rafael explained. “I’ll have to disappear for a bit, but I’m sure I can find something to amuse myself. Is there anyone else you need to call?” He knew she had a brother but wasn’t sure how much they were still in contact.

“Yes… Your mother.”

Rafael’s eyes widened. “Y-you told my mother?” That was not something she had mentioned in their daily phone conversations.

“I did, and I’ll explain everything _after_ I’ve fed Theo. Can you go and find that nurse, please?”

* * *

Once Theo was settled at Olivia’s breast and suckling contentedly, the nurse left the new family alone to enjoy the moment privately. The sight of the baby feeding from his mother – his tiny hand pressed against her breast as he drank – was captivating. She painted a powerful, breath-taking picture of maternity as she nourished their son, one reminiscent of _The Madonna and Child._ Rafael felt like something of a voyeur; as if he was invading this precious bonding moment between mother and son, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away. _God, she’s beautiful,_ he thought.

When Theo had drunk his fill, Olivia handed him to his father while she covered herself. Rafael stood and gently lifted his son to his shoulder and began rubbing circles and patting him on the back.

Olivia smiled at how comfortably Rafael transitioned his son into position to burp him. “You really did watch a lot of videos.”

He shrugged, careful not to jostle Theo too much. “I had a lot of free time… and I wanted to be prepared.”

“Unlike with Noah?” Olivia smirked, remembering the first time he’d held the toddler, acting like he was a bomb that was likely to explode at any minute.

“That was… not my finest hour,” he admitted. “But in my defence, you didn’t give me any warning. You just kind of held him out and expected me to take him.”

“Well, you seem to have it down to a fine art now,” she observed as Rafael lowered his now wind-free son back into the cradle of his arms.

Rafael shook his head, his attention focused on Theo. “I’m still very much a work in progress, Liv.” He stroked the baby’s tiny fingers as he spoke. “I don’t have a clue how to be a father. I didn’t exactly have a great role model growing up.”

They’d spoken briefly about their somewhat broken childhoods, but Rafael hadn’t gone into detail as to the treatment he’d suffered at the hands of his father, but Olivia had worked at SVU long enough to be able to read between the lines.

She patted the side of the bed he’d vacated moments earlier and Rafael obediently slid back into place. “You will be a wonderful father. You already are. And look at me, I didn’t have a great childhood either, but I think I’m doing a pretty good job of raising Noah.”

“You’re the best mother I know, Liv.”

Part of her wanted to brush off his comment, uncomfortable with being put on a pedestal like that but realised that wouldn’t help her argument. So, hoping she didn’t sound too arrogant, she agreed. “Well then, there’s no reason you can’t – won’t – be a great father to both Noah and Theo.”

“There’ll be times when I get it wrong,” he said.

“I’m sure there will, but we’ll learn from any mistakes we make. I may be a mother, but I’ve never parented a newborn before. This is new territory for me too, Rafa.” She cupped his cheek with her hand. “We’ll learn together, okay?”

Rafael nodded. “Together.” He leant down and pecked her gently on the lips. “So, tell me about Mami. You said you told her about Theo?”

“I bumped into her not long after I came to Columbus. I hadn’t seen her since your…” Olivia shook her head. “Since the funeral we had for you. To lose your grandmother and then you within the space of two years…” she swallowed the emotion that was threatening to spill over before continuing. “It hit her hard, Rafa.”

Olivia watched as his features darkened, thinking about the pain his supposed death had put his mother through. She reached out a hand and squeezed his bicep in comfort before continuing.

“When she saw I was pregnant she beamed, Rafa. She was so happy for me and I couldn’t not tell her that the bump she was cooing over was actually her grandchild.”

“And how did she take it?” His mother had always wanted grandchildren, but once he’d turned thirty-five, she seemed to realise it was a lost cause and stopped mentioning it. Still, for her to find out he’d gotten Olivia pregnant when they hadn’t even been in a relationship, let alone married, well, he wasn’t quite sure how she’d react to that. She’d had a traditional, Catholic upbringing after all.

“She was… surprised,” Olivia told him. But once she’d gotten over that, she was delighted. She’s been knitting, sending me food parcels, offering to look after Noah. Rafa, she’s been amazing.”

Rafael stared at Olivia as she spoke, imagining his mother’s reaction to finding out she was going to be an _abuela_. He could just picture her stood in her kitchen cooking up a storm to ensure that Olivia didn’t go hungry, ad knitting hundreds of pairs of booties, half of which the baby would probably never wear. It was what Cuban mothers did.

“By amazing you mean overbearing, don’t you?” Rafael said with a smirk. “It’s alright, you can say it.”

Olivia chuckled and slapped his leg lightly, but he merely raised an eyebrow.

“Okay,” she admitted. “Maybe a little. But she’s just excited. She means well.” Olivia paused, stroking the soft, downy hair on Theo’s head. “I think we need to tell her the truth… about you being alive.”

“Liv, I…” He was hesitant because the more people that knew the more dangerous it was. For him and for his family.

“I know we need to talk… to figure out how this,” she waved a hand between them, “is going to work, but she needs to know. For no other reason than if you’re going to be part of Theo’s life then she’s bound to find out eventually.”

Rafael sighed. “Yeah, I know. I’ll think about it. Speaking of us… did you have any ideas about how the future might look because was thinking that maybe-”

Rafael was cut off by the door flying open and Munch striding in, his brow creased in worry. “We have a problem.” He looked seriously at Rafael. “We need to leave. Now.”


	5. Chapter 5

Rafael was on his feet as soon as Munch entered, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. For Olivia, a chill went down her spine at her former sergeant’s proclamation.

“What’s going on?” she asked, meeting her former sergeant’s eyes.

“The Feds know you’re here,” he told Rafael. “Or that you’re in New York, at least.” He’d gotten a call from his contact at the US Marshalls’ office, telling him Rafael had gone AWOL and asking did he know anything about it.  

Olivia turned, her wide eyes meeting Rafael’s. “Go,” she whispered, reaching for Theo. Her voice was raw with emotion. Emotion that she could see reflected in Rafael’s face. They’d known there was a chance their reunion would be cut short but neither had been prepared for the reality of being parted so soon.

Kissing his son on the forehead, he settled his son into the loving arms of his mother and grabbed his jacket from where it lay over the back of the chair. Turning back to Olivia, he pressed a fierce, urgent kiss to her lips, his hand finding the back of her neck. She reached up and cupped his cheek with the hand that wasn’t cradling Theo.   

“I love you,” Rafael whispered looking directly into her eyes, as he pulled back.  “I’ll call you.”

Olivia nodded, stroking his cheek. “I love you too.”

Neither wanted to let go, but a discreet cough from Munch reminded them of the urgency of the situation. If the US Marshalls found him he could be relocated again, or he could be thrown out of the witness security program altogether, putting not only him in danger, but her and the children too.

Reluctantly, Rafael stepped away, trying to ignore the tears that were streaming down Olivia’s face. If he let his thoughts linger on that, he’d never leave.

Munch stepped out into the hallway ahead of Rafael, glancing up and down the corridor outside. Seeing the coast was clear, he beckoned the younger man out of the room and led him towards the stairwell. “Fin has the car waiting at the entrance. He’ll get you out of here.”

Rafael nodded as he followed Munch down the stairs. He was sprightly for a man of his age, Rafael thought as he picked up his pace to keep up. They burst through the double doors at the bottom of the stairs and turned towards the main entrance. Only to come face-to-face with a group of US Marshalls, including Agent McConnell, who had escorted Rafael to Columbus eight months earlier.

“Ah, Mr Barba. We’ve been looking for you,” the senior agent said. “We went to Columbus, expecting to find you in class.”

“So, you can imagine our surprise,” continued McConnell, “when we were told you weren’t there. That you’d rushed out of a faculty meeting mumbling something about the airport.”

* * *

Olivia was worried about Rafael. She trusted Munch to take care of him, but he was powerless against the Feds. If they caught him he could be moved and they’d keep better tabs on him to ensure he didn’t try to break his cover again, so the chances of hearing from him would be slim to none. She hoped and prayed that he was safe, that he had managed to evade them.

Needing a distraction, she turned on her side to look at Theo – the unexpected product of hers and Rafael’s love for each other. She stared at him, taking in every detail; the shape of his nose and chin, the way he clenched and unclenched his fist, his tiny fingernails. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

The hypnotic movement of Theo’s chest rising and falling as he slept, soon had a calming effect and Olivia felt her eyelids grow heavy. She gave in to the demand to close them and, within minutes, she drifted off to sleep, her dreams full of a happy, loving future with Rafael and their boys.

She dozed on and off for an hour or two before Lucy arrived with Noah – the little boy had been unable to sleep with the excitement of meeting his new brother – so had been up far earlier than usual. With the arrival of her eldest son, for a few, blissful moments, Olivia’s mind had something else to focus on as she introduced him to his new brother.

“Momma!” Noah cried as he entered the room and spotted his mother sitting on the bed. He rushed over, attempting to climb up next to her, but getting his limbs in a tangle.

Chuckling softly, Lucy helped him up and Olivia greeted him with a hug.

“Hi, sweet boy! Oh, I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too, Momma.”

Olivia smiled. “Were you good for Lucy?”

Noah nodded. “I always good, Momma.”

“Yes, you are,” she agreed, kissing his curls.

Noah peered over to the crib on the other side of the bed. “That the baby?” he asked.

“That’s your brother, yes. Would you like to see him?” Olivia wasn’t sure how Noah would react to the realities of having a new brother. She’d tried to prepare him as best she could, talking with him about the baby and showing him the few pictures she had of him as a baby. As her bump had grown, Noah would happily kiss her belly and talk to the baby inside, so she was cautiously optimistic that he would be pleased.

“Yeah,” Noah said, attempting to climb over Olivia to get to him.

“Hang on, sweet boy,” Olivia said gently. “You sit there, and I’ll get him, okay?”

“Okay, Momma.”

Leaning forward, Olivia reached over and scooped Theo from the crib, settling him in her arms as she sat back against the raised bed. Noah sat up on his knees, eager to see the baby that his mom had been telling him about for the past few months.

“Noah, this is your little brother, Theo.”

Noah looked at the bundle in his mother’s arm, his lips pursed. After a few moments, he reached out a small hand.

“Gently, sweet boy,” Olivia reminded him. They’d spoken about how he would need to be careful around the baby when he was first born, but she knew that Noah had likely forgotten those conversations now.

“Hi Fio,” Noah whispered, stroking a finger slowly along Theo’s hands. “I’s Noah. I’s your brother.”

As she watched her eldest son interact with his new brother, Olivia felt a swell of emotion inside her. A mix of happiness, pride and love. She wished Rafael had been able to see it. She bit back the tears as she ran her hand up and down Noah’s back encouragingly.

“I gots Fio somefin.” Noah turned to Lucy who handed him a blue, striped gift bag which he passed to his mom.

Opening the bag, Olivia peeled back the tissue paper to find a small, grey elephant. “Oh, he’s gorgeous.”

Noah beamed at his mom’s reaction. “Now Fio have an Eddie too.”

“He does. Oh, that’s so kind, Noah,” Olivia said, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. That he’d ‘bought’ Theo a gift wasn’t a surprise to Olivia. Lucy had suggested that they involve Noah in picking out a gift for his brother and Olivia had thought it was a great idea. She hadn’t been privy to the contents of the gift, though. “Guess what, sweet boy? Theo has a present for you too.”

She asked Lucy to retrieve it from her overnight bag, where she’d kept it in preparation for this very moment. Noah snuggled into his mom’s side as his nanny passed him the wrapped package. He eagerly tore into the paper to reveal some new _‘Thomas the Tank Engine’_ trains and a grey t-shirt with printed writing on.

“What’s it say, Momma?” Noah asked, pointing to the bold print.

Olivia read the print, pointing to each word as she spoke. “Best Big Brother in the World.”

Noah beamed. “That me!”

“It is,” Olivia laughed. “And you are going to be such a good big brother. Theo is a very lucky boy.”

“I hold Fio?” Noah asked, looking up at his mom.

“You can,” Olivia said. “But you’ll have to sit very still. Can you do that?”

Noah nodded. “I can Momma. I be gentle with Fio.”

“Okay, sweet boy. Just a minute. Lucy, could you give me a hand?” The young nanny approached and took Theo from Olivia, smiling as she met her newest charge for the first time.

With her arms free, Olivia positioned Noah on the bed next to her and showed him how to hold his arms. Once Noah was settled, Lucy placed Theo in the cradle of Noah’s arms, and Olivia wrapped an arm around him to help him support Theo’s head.

“Oh, I have to get some photos of this,” Lucy said.

Olivia and Noah posed for photos with Theo, although Olivia had to force herself to smile through her tears when she realised that she didn’t have any photos of Rafael with their son. It hadn’t occurred to either of them to take any – which was remiss of them given their circumstances – and now he was gone. She could only hope that he would be able to evade the US Marshalls and return to see them later. Olivia almost scoffed – she’d spent almost 20 years enforcing the law and here she was, hoping Rafael would be able to evade it. She squeezed her eyes shut to try and keep the tears at bay.

“Why you crying, Momma?”

She opened her eyes to find Noah looking up at her, concern etched on his face.

“Momma sad?” he asked, brow furrowed. Everyone had been telling him that a new baby brother was a happy thing. That it was going to be a time full of excitement and joy. So, his young mind couldn’t understand why his mom was crying.

“No, sweet boy,” she fibbed. “Momma’s just a little tired, that’s all.” She looked up at Lucy who had a similar look of concern on her face. “Hormones,” she said, hoping that the younger woman wouldn’t push her further.

* * *

“So, Mr Barba.” Agent McConnell paced around the small interrogation room. “Would you care to explain why you violated all protocols and returned to New York?”

At the metal table, Rafael sat with a disposable cup of poor-quality coffee on the surface in front of him. The jacket that he’d hastily picked up from Liv’s hospital room was hanging on the back of his chair. His sleeves were rolled up and as the statement was made, he leaned back with a sigh.

“I had my reasons,” he shrugged. He’d never been on this side of the interrogation table before. He didn't much care for it. He looked up at the two agents in the room. McConnel was still pacing, while the senior agent was leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest.

Agent McConnell smirked at him. “These reasons wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with Olivia Benson and the child she was carrying, would they?” He walked forward and dropped a manila folder onto the table.

Rafael's nostrils flared as he opened the file and found Olivia’s medical records. He ground his teeth together in frustration as he struggled to hold on to his temper. His eyes burned darkly as he looked up at the man he’d last seen driving away from the house in Columbus. “Leave them out of this.”

He leaned over the table, hands flat against the surface. “Oh, come on Mr Barba… you don’t think we know she gave the baby your name at her ultrasounds. Do you deny he’s yours?” He flashed a smug smile.

Rafael arched a brow. He leaned forward and folded his hands together on the surface of the table. “Never,” Rafael shook his head. He would never deny his son, no matter the circumstances. Theo was loved and Rafael was proud to give him his name.

McConnell slammed his hand down on the table. “That’s no reason for breaking protocol!”

Anger was brimming beneath the surface of Rafael’s calm demeanour, but he wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of losing it. His tongue swept over his lips. He glared back at the detectives in front of him. He stood up slowly. The muscles of his long body bunched and stretched. His back and legs ached from having been sitting so long in one position. His shoulders were tight with tension.

“Olivia came to you. Maybe if you’d helped her-”

“Look,” the senior agent said with a sigh – clearly frustrated by the two younger men going round in circles. He pushed off the wall and approached Rafael his gaze softening. “I understand why you came back to New York. I have two children myself. I get it, okay? But Agent McConnell is right, you broke protocol and that could have put not only you but Olivia and your son in danger.”

“I had it covered.”

“You mean, Brutus and Cassius?” He waved his arm in the direction of the door. Fin and Munch had been brought in too and were currently being babysat somewhere else in the building by a couple of probationary agents. “Don’t make me laugh.”

Rafael rolled his head around on his shoulders and felt some of the tension pop in his neck. There was a pounding in his ears and an ache behind his eyes. “Whatever you might think of the NYPD – which clearly isn’t much – I trust them. Olivia trusts them.”

“Yes but-“

“Can we just cut to the chase here?” Rafael was quickly tiring of McConnell’s posturing. “Just how much trouble am I in?”

“Usually, for a first offence, we would relocate you again,” the senior agent responded.

“Usually?” Rafael asked, his stomach dropping. He sat back down and looked the senior agent in the eye. “But not in my case?”

“No. Not in your case,” he confirmed. “There are other things that need to be considered.”

Rafael’s brow furrowed as pressed his lips together in a thin line. “Other things such as…?”

This time it was McConnell who responded. “The reasons we came looking for you in Columbus in the first place.”

* * *

When Noah eventually grew bored of holding his little brother – a sleeping baby wasn’t exactly the most enchanting thing to a three-year-old – and got a little wriggly, Olivia took Theo from him and lay him in the bassinet. Noah crawled over the bed and carefully placed Eddie II in one of the corners. She sent Noah to retrieve a book from his backpack and the two of them settled down for some special alone time to reading, while Lucy nipped to the coffee shop for some breakfast for the young boy who had been too excited to eat at home.

They were half-way through _‘Giraffe’s Can’t Dance’_ when the door to the room opened.

“Knock, knock.” Amanda’s smiling face appeared around the door. “Hey. You up for some visitors?”

“Hey,” Olivia replied with a tired smile. “Yeah, come on in.”

Amanda entered and headed straight for the crib. She was followed into the room by Carisi who was carrying a large, helium-filled _‘It’s a Boy!’_ balloon.

“Hey Leiu,” he greeted as he tied the balloon to the end of the bed.

“Oh, Liv, he’s just adorable,” Amanda cooed, peering over the side of the crib where Theo was sleeping soundly. “Can I hold him?”

“Sure,” Liv said. “He’s probably due a feed soon, so if he fusses, it’s not you.”

“Copy that,” Amanda said with a smile, carefully lifting Theo and settling him in her arms.

“He got a name, Lieu?” Carisi asked, standing behind Amanda and peering at the baby over her shoulder.

“Fio,” interjected Noah, finally looking up from his book. “Hiya, Auntie ’Manda. Hiya, Uncle Sonny.”

They both waved at the smiling little boy as Olivia confirmed her new son’s name. “Theo Oliver.”

Amanda looked down at the baby boy. “Theo Oliver Benson. It’s a strong name.”

“Not Benson,” Olivia said quietly, with a shake of her head. The eyes of both detectives were trained on her, curious expressions on their faces. She hadn’t spoken of Theo’s paternity with anyone other than Fin and Munch, but it was time to let go of part of the secret. Olivia took a deep breath. “Barba,” she said softly. “Theo Oliver Barba.”

A small gasp escaped Amanda as the realisation of Olivia’s situation – as she knew it – dawned. “Oh, Liv!” She moved to the bed and perched on the edge, resting a hand on the older woman’s arm.

“It’s okay, Amanda,” Olivia assured, wishing she could tell her colleague and friend the whole truth so she didn’t feel as bad.

“You sure?”

Olivia nodded, sweeping her hand over Theo’s head where he lay in Amanda’s arms. “I’ll always have part of him.” She felt the statement was loose enough not to really be considered a lie because she would always have a part of Rafael in Theo.

“He was a good man,” Carisi said. “We’ll make sure Theo here knows that.”

“Yeah,” agreed Amanda, “and he’ll have his Uncle Sonny and Uncle Fin.” She shuffled closer to Carisi as she spoke and with practised ease, transferred little Theo into his arms.

“You’re a natural, Carisi,” Olivia remarked, keen to change the subject of conversation.

“Well, with between my sisters’ kids and Jesse, I’ve had a lot of practice.”

Amanda blushed at the mention of her daughter who’d turned one only two months previously. Carisi had been spending a lot of time at her place, helping out with Jesse, but it was a complicated situation – one she wasn’t sure she wanted Olivia to know about yet.

Olivia noticed the look that passed between her two junior detectives, but she let it slide. She’d suspected there was something more than friendship there, but she trusted they would come to her in their own time if there was anything they needed to disclose.

“Well, all that practise has definitely paid off and I will remember that when I’m in need of a babysitter.”

“Anytime Lieu,” smiled Carisi.

“So, how’s work? Is my unit still standing?”

“Everything’s okay,” Amanda told her confidently. “Just… y’know, maybe don’t take too long on maternity. Being in charge is going to Fin’s head.”

Olivia chuckled. “We’ll see.”

A sudden thought occurred to Carisi and he gave her a narrow-eyed gaze. “You _are_ coming back aren’t you, Lieu?”

“I am. I could retire and stay at home with them, but it’s not in the plan. I like my work. I believe in it. That’s not to say my mind will change when the harsh realities of parenting two children under four at my age hit home.” Olivia smiled. “Don’t worry though, I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

“Copy that,” nodded Amanda. She wouldn’t push. She’d let Liv find her feet as a new mother and adjust to life, offering support wherever it was needed. “Any idea when the doctors might let you home?”

“Not for a couple of days,” Olivia sighed. She hated hospitals and just wanted to get her son home. “With his early arrival, the doctors want to make doubly sure that everything is okay.”

“Well, let us know and we’ll come get you, okay?”

Olivia smiled. Carisi had been slightly overprotective since discovering she was pregnant. It had been endearing at first but as her pregnancy had developed she had begun to find it a little annoying. She was grateful though. “Thanks, I’ll let-”

Their conversation was cut off by the sound of the door opening, and all heads turned toward the door as Rafael entered, slightly out of breath. Upon seeing who their latest visitor was, Noah pushed himself off the bed and was running towards Rafael almost before his feet had even touched the floor.

“Uncle Rafa!”

He hurled himself at the man he hadn’t seen in months, wrapping his short arms around his legs

“Noah,” Rafael breathed, bending down to pull the boy into a hug.

“I missed you, Uncle Rafa,” the young boy whispered as his arms snaked around his uncle’s neck.

Rafael pulled back and cupped Noah’s face. “I missed you too, _mijo_.”

Amanda and Carisi stood slack-jawed, staring at Rafael with wide eyes. He wasn’t sure if it was because they thought they were seeing a ghost, or because of how comfortable he was with Noah – perhaps it was a mixture, but either way, Rafael couldn’t resist a small smirk as he stood.

“If you’re planning on fainting Carisi, I’d appreciate it if you could pass me my son before you do.”

“I…” Not quite being able to form words, Carisi just stepped forward and passed Theo to his father.

Rafael lowered his head to his son’s, breathing in his newborn smell – the delightful mix of wonder, hope and home – before lifting his eyes to Olivia.

“Hey.”

The sight of Rafael standing there holding Theo, with Noah still clinging tightly to one of his legs when only a couple of hours ago she thought she might never see him again, had her eyes brimming with tears. But there was fear and uncertainty in her tears too.

“What are you…? You can’t be here. The Feds…” The tumult of emotions she’d been feeling since waking finally caught up with her and she broke down.

Managing to extract himself from Noah’s vice-like grip on his leg, Rafael crossed the room in three strides. When he reached her – Noah following close behind – he settled Theo securely in his left arm and perched on the edge of the bed next to her. He lifted his right arm and wrapped it around Olivia’s shoulder, gathering her towards him. “Sssh, it’s all right, _cariño_.” He kissed the side of her head gently. “I’ll explain everything but right now I need you to trust me. It’s safe. It’s over.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of this little story. Thanks for all your comments and to prairie_light and motherbearof3 for betaing! :D

_“Sssh, it’s all right, cariño.” He kissed the side of her head gently. “I’ll explain everything but right now I need you to trust me. It’s safe. It’s over.”_

Olivia’s eyes snapped to his. “Over?”

Rafael nodded. “The gang have been busted and their shot caller was killed in the shoot-out, as well as several of their seconds in command.” Moving his arm from around her, he cupped her face, the pad of his thumbs wiping away her tears. “The Feds are pretty confident that it’s safe for me to come home. That’s why they came looking for me. To tell me the good news.”

“Y-you’ve been in witness protection?” Carisi finally found his voice.

“Give yourself a kewpie doll, Carisi.”

Carisi rolled his eyes. Even though he’d been away, it appeared Rafael had not lost his sarcastic snark.

“Maybe we should give you guys a few minutes,” suggested Amanda. She didn’t know the details of what had gone on, but it was clear to her that Olivia and Rafael needed some time alone.

Rafael nodded. “Thanks, Rollins. Fin and Munch are out there,” he gestured to the door. “They’ll fill you in.” He wasn’t sure he had the energy to retell the whole saga again. Or that he would be able to without becoming overly emotional.

“Hey, Noah?” At the sound of Amanda’s voice, the little boy looked up from his spot next to Olivia’s bed. “What d’ya say we go and find you a juice box and a snack?”

Noah looked at Olivia, puppy dog eyes already in place. “Can I, Momma? Please?”

“Of course you can, sweet boy.”

The boy’s eyes flitted to Rafael. “Are you staying, Uncle Rafa.”

“I’ll be here when you get back,” he promised.

Satisfied that he would get to spend more time with Rafael, Noah happily trotted off with Amanda and Carisi, leaving Olivia and Rafael alone.

“You’re really here,” she whispered, almost unable to believe it.

“For as long as you’ll have me.”

“And it’s definitely safe?”

“I’ve got Fin checking it out, but from what the Feds were saying, it appears to be. I wouldn’t be here if I thought… I’d never knowingly put you, Noah or Theo in danger.”

“I know. I didn’t mean it like that. I just can’t quite believe it.”

“I know. The thought that I can be here with you… see Theo every day… it’s more than I ever dreamed, Liv.”

Olivia picked up her phone from the table across her bed. She pulled up the camera app and pointed the lens at Rafael, taking a picture.

Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“After you’d gone, I realised we didn’t take any photos of you with him,” Olivia explained. The camera clicked a couple more times.

Rafael pulled out his own phone and swiped along the screen a few times before turning it to show Olivia.

She gasped as she saw the image. Rafael in the NICU holding Theo when he has barely an hour old. “You got one!”

He shrugged. “The NICU nurse offered.” He swiped through a few more photos of Theo’s first hours. “Have you got any of you with him? Rafael asked.

Olivia shook her head. “Lucy took some when Noah held him, but I don’t think there’s any of just me and him.”

“Well, we can’t have that.” He passed Theo back to Olivia – she marvelled at how much more confident Rafael was holding and handing him off – and held up his phone and began clicking away. “Beautiful,” he murmured. He felt his heart turn over and clench in his chest. He didn’t think he could love her any more, but he was proved wrong every time he looked at her holding their son.

And he was, hopefully, going to get to see it a lot more. The ache that had settled in his chest when Olivia had gone into labour began to recede. He wouldn’t be able to relax fully until Theo was at home, and he himself was back in New York permanently, but having the woman he loved, holding their son, helped.

* * *

A few hours later, after Amanda and Carisi had gone to work and Lucy had taken Noah to pre-school – promising to stop at the store on the way and print some photos of Theo from her phone so he could show his class – Olivia and Rafael decided it was time to call his mother.

“I don’t think we should tell her about me over the phone,” Rafael said. His mother wasn’t ‘old’ in the traditional sense, but he’d rather her not be alone when she received the news.

Olivia stared at the phone in her hand, her lips pursed as she considered their options. “What if I call her to tell her about Theo and then we send Munch to pick her up and he can explain the situation to her?” she suggested. “He’s good with ladies of a certain age.”

“He wouldn’t mind?” Rafael asked, conscious that her former sergeant had already done so much for them.

“I’m sure he won’t, but he’ll likely let me know if he does.” Munch was not one to sit by passively if he disagreed with something.

Rafael nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Olivia swiped her finger across her phone screen and hit Lucia’s number, putting it on speakerphone. It rang out for a few seconds before Lucia’s voice came over the line.

“Olivia, _mija_! Is everything okay?”

“Hi, Lucia. Everything’s fine. More than fine, actually.” She flashed Rafael a smile and noticed the emotion in his eyes as he heard his mother’s voice for the first time in months. She placed a comforting hand on his thigh as she continued to speak to Lucia. “I’m in the hospital… your grandson decided to put in an early appearance.”

Lucia gasped. “Dios Mio! Is he okay?”

Olivia looked over at the boy sleeping in his father’s arms. “He’s perfect. He was born yesterday afternoon, weighing six pounds. I would have called sooner but… it was a difficult labour.” She didn’t really want to go into details over the phone.

“Oh _mija,_ don’t worry about that. As long as you’re both okay. That’s what’s important.”

“We’re fine,” Olivia assured the older woman.

“And, does he have a name?” Lucia asked.

Olivia smiled. Lucia had been relentless in suggesting names ever since she found out that the baby was Rafael’s. Olivia thought she must now know the name of every male member of Rafael’s extended family. “He does. Theo. Theo Oliver.”

“It’s a beautiful name. Is it okay if I come and visit? Are you feeling up to that?”

“Of course it is! We would love to see you. Actually, I was going to suggest, I send someone to pick you up and-”

“There’s no need for that, _mija_ ,” dismissed Lucia. “I can get a cab.”

“Please, Lucia. It really would make me feel better to have a friend collect you.”

“Well, if you insist.”

“I do. Thank you, Lucia. John will be with you in a little while. I will text you when he’s on his way.”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon, _mija_.”

Olivia hung up the call and called Munch, who was more than happy to collect Lucia, break the news about Rafael and bring her to the hospital.

By the time she arrived an hour later, Rafael was on tenterhooks, pacing the room. Olivia had tried both reassurance and distraction techniques, but nothing seemed to help. He just kept working himself into a frenzy.

Hearing a swift knock at the door, he stopped by Olivia’s bed and stared at the door. The few seconds between the knock and the door opening felt like an eternity, and he clenched and released his fists as he waited. When Lucia breezed in, time seemed to stop completely, and Rafael’s heart lurched in his chest.

She wore her signature red coat and her hair had a few more grey flecks than before he’d left. She clutched a tissue in her hand, confirming his suspicion that her reddened eyes were a result of crying.

“Rafi. _Mijo_.” Her hand flew to her mouth at the sight of her son standing there. Even though Olivia’s friend, John, had told her what had happened and why her son had been forced into witness protection, to see him standing there after all these months was overwhelming.

“ _Mami!_ ” Rafael rushed towards her and gathered her into a hug. “ _Lo siento mucho. ¿Perdóname?_ ”

“ _Sí. ¡Claro!_ ” She held him tightly – as if he might disappear if she let go – and whispered Spanish prayers of thanks for his return.

Olivia watched mother and son reconnect – Lucia cupping Rafael’s cheeks as she pulled out of his embrace, smiling as she raked her fingers over the scruff that now adorned his jawline – until a soft mewl drew their attention away from each other.

Without a word, Rafael stepped away from his mother to pick up Theo, bouncing and soothing him as he lifted him out of the plastic cot. He looked at Olivia, who gave him a watery smile, before turning back to his mother.

“ _Mami_ , this is Theo, your grandson,” he told her proudly as he closed the gap between them and placed the baby in her outstretched arms.

She pulled the blanket away from his face to get a better look at him. “Oh, _Nieto_.” She glanced up at the child’s mother. “You were right, Olivia; he is perfect.”

Once Lucia had her fill of cuddles from Theo, she and Rafael left Olivia alone to rest, going down to the hospital cafeteria to talk. It was hard for him to listen to his mother talk about burying him and grieving for him, but he felt it was probably no less than he deserved for putting her through such an ordeal.

Inevitably, the conversation turned to him and Oliva, Lucia wanting to know how and when they had gotten involved. Rafael fought off a blush as he explained that, although being in love with Olivia for years, they had only had one night together – the night he went into witness protection – before he’d left. He went on to tell her about Olivia’s visit to Columbus and their clandestine communication since.

“So, when are you going to propose?” she asked matter-of-factly after finishing her doughnut.

Rafael almost spat out his coffee. “What?”

Lucia tilted her head and fixed him with a look. “The two of you have a child together, Rafi.”

Rafael sighed. His mother may be a modern woman in some ways, but in others she was not. She was a cradle Catholic and there were some beliefs that were engrained.

“I’m well aware of that, _Mami_. But I don’t believe – and neither, I’m sure, does Olivia – that two people should get married just because they have a child together. And I can’t believe you’re suggesting it, given the relationship that you and my father had.

Lucia had fallen pregnant at 18 after a whirlwind romance with Rafael’s father. Given the time and the deeply held religious beliefs of both their families, they had married in a quiet ceremony three months later. They had been happy, for a short time but soon the stresses of being new parents – young parents – had taken their toll. The love they had thought they felt for each other had disappeared and the two of them were left co-existing but living completely separate lives. Divorce wasn’t an option, so they’d remained together but neither of them had been happy. His father had turned to drink, and his mother had thrown herself into her work, neither of which helped provide Rafael with a stable childhood.

He wouldn’t do that to Theo and Noah. He wouldn’t do it to Olivia. She knew he was committed to her – but they needed to find their feet in a steady relationship before they even considered marriage. Something he gently explained to his mother.

“… but one day, when the time is right, I will ask her _Mami_ , I promise.”

And he was pretty sure that if she said yes, he would be the proudest man on earth.

* * *

On the day that Rafael took Olivia and their son home from the hospital – three full days after Theo’s birth – a surprise from her squad awaited them. The crib she had been worrying about, remained in its box and her colleagues had pooled their resources and bought a matching bassinet, in the same dark cherry wood Olivia had chosen for the crib, and trimmed in blue and white gingham. It stood at the foot of her bed and would more than suffice until she and Rafael made some decisions about the future. Living arrangements in particular. She had been planning to ask him to stay with her so he wouldn’t miss out on time with Theo, but he beat her to it, offering to stay for a few nights to help look after the boys. Neither knew how they would cope with living – and parenting – together, but they would both give it their best shot and were hopeful about the future. But her place was nowhere near big enough for the four of them. Not permanently. That, however, was a discussion for another time.

Settling in with a new baby was an adjustment, but Rafael’s presence made it easier. He was there to play with Noah when her attention was taken with Theo and to watch them both while she slept. He took his turn with Theo too, allowing Olivia to spend time with Noah and ensure he didn’t feel neglected or usurped in any way. It was a different life, but they made it work.

Parenting two boys was never something that Rafael ever imagined himself doing, but even after only a few days, he couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Especially when he watched the mother of his child sashay through her apartment in a pair of shorts or leggings and one of his dress shirts that became a staple of her post-pregnancy wardrobe. He didn’t mind – he wasn’t using them at the moment – and they were loose and comfortable on her, the buttons providing easy access for young Theo when he was hungry. Which was every two hours without fail. They could set their watches by him.

Rafael watched as she settled a wailing Theo at her breast. Olivia feeding their son remained one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen. “You’re gorgeous.”

Olivia smiled tiredly at him from where she sat on the sofa. “You’re delusional.” She didn’t feel gorgeous – not that the moment. They’d been home almost a week now and she was still sore, and tired easily, but every day was better than the last. She patted her son's bottom in a slow rhythm while he nursed. Already he was growing by leaps and bounds, changing each day. She was seeing more of his father in him every day.

"I'm right." He continued to smile while he finished folding freshly washed clothes out of a basket. Lucy had taken Noah to the park, so they were trying to catch up on some menial tasks. "How can one small person generate so much stuff in such a short time?” Rafael shook his head.

“It’s one of life’s mysteries.” Her eyes glittered with amusement. “Although it would help if you'd remember to get the diaper on him before he has a chance to-”

“Hey, I’m new at this, remember?”

“I know. And – despite my jokes – you’re doing just fine.” She turned to her son. “Isn’t he, Theo?”

Her son's eyes were open, but he didn't seem to care about anything but getting his belly filled, suckling happily.

“Well, it’s still early days.” Rafael’s tone was clipped as he lifted the basket and carried it down the hall to her – _their_ – room.

When Theo finished feeding a few minutes later, Olivia lifted him to her shoulder and gingerly rose from the sofa, following Rafael. Once he was winded, she laid Theo on his back in the centre of the bed, lying down beside him. He soon began kicking and gurgling, pumping his little fists while he tried to make sense of the shapes and blurs around him.

“You do know I was only joking, don’t you?” she asked, concerned that she may very well have offended him with her comment earlier.

Rafael paused – a half-folded muslin in his hands – and turned towards her. “I know. I’m just so far outside my comfort zone, Liv.” Seeing her eyes begin to narrow, he quickly continued. “Don’t get me wrong, I love being here with you and our boys…” She smiled at that. “… But most of the time I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“I think most new parents feel that way,” Olivia assured him. “But you’re better than you think you are, Rafa. I watch you with both Theo and Noah and I can’t help but smile.”

“Because I’m completely ridiculous?”

“No. Because watching you love our children is one of the most beautiful things in the world. The way you look at Theo, the faces you pull and the noises you make when you’re playing with him. The way you take an interest in Noah, even when he’s babbling almost incoherently about something. He loves it, Rafa. He’s soaking up your loving attention like a sponge and it’s filling him with joy. You are a great father, and if our boys grow up to be even half the man you are, I’ll be one proud mother indeed.”

Rafael felt his throat constrict at Olivia’s words. He dropped the muslin on top of the few items that remained in the basket – they could wait until later – and climbed onto the bed the other side of Theo. He leaned across their son and kissed her. Slowly. Lovingly. “Thank you for having such faith in me,” he whispered.

“You make it easy,” she told him honestly. And it was. She had no doubts or concerns about Rafael’s abilities as a father. Or about how much he loved both her and the children. She’d learned over the years that self-doubt was commonplace as a parent – you were constantly second guessing yourself – but she would make sure it didn’t take too strong a hold of Rafael. Just as he would with her.

She kissed him then. Another kiss full of pride and love. But it wasn’t long before their attention was drawn to the squirming bundle between them. Rafael smiled down at his son. “You’re wide awake, aren’t you?”

Olivia’s lips curved. "I'm hoping that means he'll take a longer nap later. Doubtful, he does like to eat regularly, but if he takes a longer nap, then I can take a long, hot shower. And who knows, maybe someone will offer to scrub my back?” Even though they’d only been physically close on a handful of occasions, Olivia found she missed the contact. It was too soon for them to do anything more than cuddle, but that would be enough.

“Did you hear that, _mijo_?” Rafael took one of his son’s feet and gave it a little wiggle. “Help your _Papi_ out, yeah?” Theo made a squawking sound and waved his fist again. “I’ll take that as a yes,”

Olivia snorted with quiet laughter as she lay her head on the pillow, watching father and son with bright, sparkling eyes. She hugged her pillow, and against her own will, her eyes began to drift closed while she listened to the cheerful rumble of Rafael’s voice and their son's quiet gurgling. She was going to comment on the utter ridiculousness of Rafael negotiating with a six-day-old, but her entire body just felt too heavy. She quietly enjoyed the interchange while her body relaxed.

When Rafael realised she had fallen asleep, he scooped Theo up and left the bed. “Come on, _mijo_. _Mami_ needs a nap. Let’s go and wait for your brother. He’ll be back soon and will love it that you’re awake.

Noah adored Theo but was frustrated that he didn’t do anything but sleep and eat. Rafael tucked his son against his chest and carried him to the outer rooms, allowing Olivia to rest. He lay him on his playmat, positioning him carefully under the dangling toys and mirror, before heading to the kitchen to investigate their options for dinner.

When Lucy and Noah arrived home a few minutes later, the little boy headed straight for Rafael, asking, “Where’s Momma?”

“She’s sleeping, _mijo_ , but someone else is awake and might want to play.” He nodded towards where Theo was lying, and Noah’s smile widened.

“Fio!”

“Gently, Noah,” reminded Lucy as the boy bounded over to play with his brother.

* * *

Later that evening, after Noah was asleep and Theo had finished his 9 o’clock feed, Olivia left Rafael to put his son down and headed to the bathroom. He sang him the old Cuban lullaby he’d sung to him in the hospital and soon Theo was fast asleep in his bassinet; his belly full and completely content. Rafael waited until he was sure that he was completely out before he eased away, toward the bathroom. The shower was already running. He left the door cracked, so they would hear Theo or Noah and quickly disrobed before joining Olivia in the shower. His arms curled around her from behind. His lips landed against her neck. "Hi."

"Hi yourself." She leaned back into the circle of his arms.

His hands slid up and down her arms. They were limited on time, but it was enough just to be able to be close to each other. He reached for the bottle of lightly scented strawberry body wash she used. While his lips moved along the graceful column of her neck, his hands re-learned the contours of her body. From the heavy weight of her breasts to the remaining swell of her stomach. When she turned in his arms, his head dipped and he captured her mouth with slow, languid kisses while he soaped up her back. When her hands dipped low, below his waist, he turned her back around. Rafael kissed the back of her neck and reached for her shampoo. The relaxing ministrations of his fingers massaging her scalp soon had her humming in his arms.

Afterwards, when they’d both rinsed, he held her. Even if it was only half an hour to themselves, it was enough. They were face to face again, their arms wrapped around each other. He kissed her lips, nose, each eyelid, and her forehead. Both of their heads lifted at the sound of a soft mewl. They looked at each other and smiled. This was their future now, moments stolen here and there.

Olivia stood on the balls of her feet and kissed him, before moving to leave the shower.

Rafael shook his head. “No.” His hands swept down her back. “I’ve got him. Take a few more minutes.” He kissed her again before withdrawing.

“Thanks.” Her hand trailed over the back of his shoulders as he left the shower. She tipped her head back underneath the warm spray, letting it wash over her again as she reflected on the direction the year had taken. It was hard to believe that just six months ago, she had stood in this very same place quietly sobbing tears of fear and uncertainty. Olivia drew her hair over her shoulders, letting the water cascade over her neck and shoulders. After only a few moments longer, she turned off the water and stepped out.

From the half-open bathroom door, she could hear her son’s cries and the quiet rumble of Rafael’s voice. Olivia wrapped a towel around her body and waited while the cries faded to mewls once more and finally to nothing. Using another towel to dry her hair, she peeked through the gap in the door and a smile tugged on her lips at the sight. Rafael had managed to dry off and pull on a pair of sweatpants before Theo had become too unhappy and was sat against the headboard with the baby cradled against his bare chest. Theo was burrowed close and perfectly content, eyes dropping as his mouth worked the pacifier. Curled up next to him, was Noah who, having been woken by his brother’s cries, had padded sleepily into the room.

Their eyes met and she nudged the door open slightly further with her hip, leaning against the doorframe as she continued to towel her hair. She left it damp, loose and curling and walked into the bedroom, climbing atop the covers to join the three men in her life. She placed gentle kisses on both Noah and Theo’s heads before leaning over them to kiss their father. His free arm curled around her shoulders and they sat together, the four of them.

“I love you, Rafa,” she murmured, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Love you too, Liv,” he replied, dropping a kiss to her head. “All three of you.”

When they’d parted almost nine months ago, neither of them had expected this to be their future. Even six months ago, when Olivia discovered she was pregnant, she couldn’t have foreseen it. She had tried to look past the fear and uncertainty, but it had been hard to have faith that things would turn out alright. That she wouldn’t be left alone to parent two young children.

But she’d made a decision and hadn’t looked back. She had prepared for the worst but hoped, prayed for the best. And she’d gotten it. Life had taken an unexpected turn and both she and Rafael had been changed by it.

Changed for the better. Changed for good.


End file.
